diary of a madman
by Daziel of Tenku
Summary: touma lost his mind. can his love for seiji help him?


Songfic with Ozzy Osbourne's song. Hope it's not too bad, I'm not good at writing songfic. 

/.../: Touma's diary. 

"...": speech. 

'...': thought. 

......: Touma's icy voice. 

DIARY OF A MADMAN. 

_Screaming at the window_

/ Another day, another night, another pain. I'm at my desk again writing what I can't tell. I'm unable to talk, the others know it, but they can't understand what I'm living./ 

_Watch me die another day_

/ Another day, another sun, what a beautiful day to die. But I know that I'll not die today. Besides Seiji will not let me./ 

_Hopeless situation endless price I have to pay_

/ I deserve that pain, because I'm not strong enough. Since my birthday, that's what my father told me, and I begin to think that he was right./ 

_Sanity now its beyond me there's no choice_

/ Since the first day of that war, I live without knowing if tomorrow I'll be alive, even if the war is over. The others, I know it, are not wondering like I am. Perhaps I think about it because I'm a genius./ 

_Diary of a madman _

_Walk the line again today_

/ And because I'm a genius, I'm also a madman. The others don't know it ... Though I think that Seiji began to suspect it. I'm not totally mad but I walk along the line of sanity for so long, that I can fall in insanity tomorrow./ 

_Entries of confusion _

_Dear diary I'm here to stay_

/ Seiji confused me. I don't know what he thinks, but the way he looks at me tell me so much. I'm in love with him, I know it, but I can't tell him./ 

_Manic depression befriends me _

_Hear his voice _

/ I can't tell him because I'm depressed. And since I'm depressed I can turn insane at any time./ 

_Sanity now its beyond me _

_There's no choice _

/ what I'm talking about. I'm already insane, sanity is **faaar** beyond me. I was insane when I met the others, with them I regain what little sanity I'm about to loose./ 

_A sickened mind and spirit _

_The mirror tells me lies _

/ And I'm about to loose it because of them.../ 

"What are you doing? Here, alone." 

Touma started at the voice behind him.He closed his diary and looked up at Seiji. 

'He is so sexy... Stop thinking like that Touma. It not doing any good.' 

"Nothing Seiji, just thinking. 

About what? 

About myself." 

Touma stood up and left the room, leaving a puzzled Seiji behind him. 

'What's the matter? Since the end of the war, Touma is cold, distant. I wonder...' 

Seiji left the room, when Touma saw that Seiji had left he returned in the room, at his desk. 

_Could I mistake for someone _

_Who lives behind my eyes _

/ I will loose it because of them, because the image they have of me, is a lie. I'm not what they think. And the person that I reallyam is here deep inside me, but he will surface. And when he will, I'm afraid what the others will tell./ 

_Will he escape my soul _

_Or will he live in me _

_Is he trying to get out or trying to enter me. _

/ I try each day to reject him, that other Touma who is so full of hate, and anger. But each day it's more difficult, because I have nobody to vent this anger on./ 

_Voices in the darkness _

_Scream away my mental health _

/ I hear his voice in my head. He tell me that I'm weak, that I'll do better to end trying to stop him, because no matter what I'll do, he'd win. And I begin to think that he's right./ 

Touma sighed and leave the room, but he forgot to close and put his diary away. 

_Can i ask a question _

_To help me save me from myself _

'I wonder if I can talk to Seiji about that, maybe he can help me to keep him at bay.' 

At that time, Seiji enter in the room they shared and saw Touma's diary on the desk. He was going to close it when he saw the words *insane*, and *love him*. 

'I wonder what he is talking about? Can I...? No... But what if he need my help? Aw crap! He'll be mad at me, but if he really need my help... He won't ask me so if I want to help him, I must read that.' 

When he stopped reading, he was crying. 

'Why was he full of anger, of hate? Why does he think that we will think differently of him? Why...' 

"Seiji... What do you think you're doing?"

Touma's voice was icy, Seiji looked at him and shivered, his midnight eyes were also icy but empty. At that time, Seiji knew that the person in front of him wasn't the Touma he knows. 

_Ennemies fill up the pages _

_Are they me _

_Monday till sunday in stages _

"Touma, let me help you? 

How do you want to help? You don't even know what's wrong with me. 

Then tell me." 

Touma laughed, but his laugh was hysterical_. _Seiji was afraid that perhaps Touma was right and that he was insane. 

"You want to know what's wrong with me? I will tell you... NOOOOOO." 

Touma fall on his knees and take his head in his hands. 

"I can't... You can't... You mustn't tell him..." 

Seiji's keen ear can discern two intonation in Touma's voice. One that is icy and the other that is afraid. He knew that the afraid's tone belong to his friend. 

"And why that? He have the right to know why you're insane, you weakling... I'm not insane, you are insane... But I'm you, you and me...it's the same.

No you're not. The Touma I know is kind, he is friendly. 

Yeah! That's right but he is afraid of who he is. You don't know who he is. He is on the border of insanity, during the war he had be able to keep me at bay but now he can't anymore.

But who are you? 

I'm his angry side.

Can you tell me why he or you are angry? 

Yeah I can, but he won't let me.

Why? I thought I was his bestfriend. 

You are more than that, you must have read it.

Yes. Please Touma tell me. 

I can't... Please Seiji understand. 

Then let him tell me. 

I...  Oh Touma for Christ's sake stop being such a jerk.... It because of his father.

How that? 

He was beaten and even more sometimes.

Oh! God! How can I help him? 

Be there for him. Now that you know I'm not needed anymore. He will be able to talk about it.

So you are the side of his personality who take his anger and hate. 

Yeah. There he is. Bye Seiji. Good luck with this pigheaded.

Bye." 

Seiji kneel down beside Touma and took his shaking body in his arms. 

"Seiji... 

Hush! Touma, I'm here. I'll not let you down. 

Thanks. 

You're welcome... Love. 

Seiji... 

I love you, Touma. 

Love you too." 

Seiji kissed him and led him to the bed where he tucked him in before join him. He took Touma in his arms and fell asleep. Later that night found Touma at his desk, writing again. 

/ Anothernight but no more pain. I'm free, my anger and hate had left when I told Seiji about my past. I've buried my past thanks to him. My love for him and his for me had set me free./ 

_Set me free. _

**FIN.**

Here! I hope I did good. Please R & R. 


End file.
